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Buch Leseprobe Positive Thinking, Belana Llewellyn
Belana Llewellyn

Positive Thinking

What it really means - how it really works

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For generations, psychologists have told us that the path to happiness and inner peace lies in accepting oneself and others. ″I′m okay, you′re okay,″ is the motto. And even if this basic idea is correct in principle, terrible mistakes have developed in the course of this principle, which today cause the exact opposite of what should actually result from it. Instead of calling on people to take responsibility for their own destiny and thus to be in a position to actually have their fate in their own hands, responsibility, discipline and determination are apparently no longer contemporary concepts for many people today. Instead, our society prefers to tell people today that they are naturally disadvantaged and therefore need not blame themselves when they have problems. On the one hand, this prevents an inner conflict full of self-reproaches, which can certainly make people ill. On the other hand, however, this view declares people to be helpless subjects who have no control over their own destiny, and this in turn drives many people into hopelessness and depression. Precisely because they are apparently unable to change their fate themselves. Or in other words: ″You don′t have to feel bad, it′s not your fault that you were born a victim″ is not a healthy motto. And fortunately it is not the truth either.


One of the most important reasons for our everyday dissatisfaction lies in the feeling of not being able to determine one′s own destiny, of being the victim of unfortunate or unjust circumstances and of not being able to influence them by our own efforts. However, if we cannot change this state ourselves, then it will probably never change and we are at the mercy of the situation without protection. This perception triggers a feeling of helplessness in most people, and rightly so. We are looking into a future determined by others and the hope that it will turn out according to our wishes is within narrow limits. To become aware of this feeling and to turn it off is an essential basis for the success of positive thinking. We absolutely have to get rid of this victim mentality!


Our self-perception must change, we must stop perceiving ourselves as victims of circumstances and instead see ourselves as playmakers of our own lives, in control of our own destiny and able to shape our future according to our own desires. When you have your destiny in your own hands, you can remove everything that stands in your way, eliminate conditions that disturb you, and achieve what you desire. And fortunately, this is easier than it sounds at first. However, we have to make a little effort to do it.


In order to change our self-perception in this direction, we first have to make a very unpleasant concession, and I know how many people are very uncomfortable with this very thing: We have to admit to ourselves that we ourselves are to blame - or let′s rather say responsible - for the circumstances that burden us. We ourselves and no one else. That′s hard to accept. But it is a prerequisite for the necessary rethinking. For if we are not the victims of unfortunate circumstances, then the only thing that remains is the realization that we ourselves are responsible, or at least partly responsible, for the situation in which we find ourselves. For example, by letting ourselves get discouraged and not taking enough initiative instead of actively striving for the best continuation. We have allowed ourselves to be persuaded that we have no influence and therefore we have not taken the initiative. We must admit to ourselves that the situation we find ourselves in today is the result of the choices we made in the past and nothing else. If we are willing to take this responsibility, then at the same time it means taking back the initiative. So we have to get rid of this victim mentality as the first and most urgent basis and foundation for positive thinking.


This is where the proverbial wheat is separated from the chaff, those who succeed in getting ahead and those who do not. When we fail a sports test, we might say to ourselves, ″I just can′t do it, I′m just naturally unathletic,″ while if you ask a world champion in any sport, it′s not uncommon to hear, ″If I don′t pass a challenge, it means I didn′t train enough.″ We need to understand when we watch those who make everything look so incredibly easy, almost playfully easy, whether in sports, music or other activities: The ease we observe there is the result of hard work, not just innate talent. Determination and taking personal responsibility are the most important differences between world class and district class. No one is born a world champion.


Of course, there are things and events in everyone′s past that are not their fault and that have harmed them. Injustice or even violence, strokes of fate or simply pure misfortune in the professional, financial or private sphere, such as the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job without any fault of your own or things that have been inflicted on you by strangers with malicious intent or carelessness. Of course, you cannot, must not and should not blame yourself for this. But: you must take responsibility for not focusing on the best possible continuation and instead allowing people to push you around, letting it discourage you and letting it get you down. Because freeing yourself from the future effects of past injustice and past misfortune is very much within your control. And this is a condition to get back to a self-determined and happy life. The aftermath of these events flows through our veins like poison and makes us sick in the long run if we allow these past events to determine our future as well. To defeat this mechanism is to regain your freedom. The freedom to look forward to a better future again.


It sounds strange at first, but: The more responsibility you take for the things you complain about in your current situation, the more initiative you gain and the more positive and revolutionary the change in your thinking will be. Take a moment in a quiet hour to consider this thought. You will see that you will think of many situations in which you did not direct your thoughts and actions towards the best possible continuation and you will realize that you have missed more than one chance for this better continuation. But you should not get angry because of that, that would not fit to our plan. Instead, just think about how your life will change if you find better answers to such situations from now on. Instead of blaming yourself for missed opportunities from the past, look at the potential that lies in acting better in the future. Because that′s what positive thinking is - drawing the best possible consequences for our future from these insights. So we′re already in the thick of it, so to speak.

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